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Aunt Dot is here to answer your questions about love, life, and the breeding season. As a trained ornithologist, she has 2 decades of experience dealing with all kinds of feathered dilemmas — from relationship advice, to full on beak-downs.

Dear Aunt Dot,

I am a good looking young bird who has just reached breeding age. But whenever I hit my local forest to show off, no one approaches me. In fact, I am not sure there are even any women around. All the lads who I fledged with are paired up and are already sitting on their first clutches of eggs! What am I doing wrong?

Korey Kākā (Wellington)

Dear Korey,

I completely understand how frustrating it can be when you’re single and ready to breed but there’s not a partner in sight. It’s even worse when all your kākā mates are paired up and constantly skraarking platitudes like “your soulmate will come along when you least expect it!”

If you’re hoping to meet a nice chick, perhaps you could try your local sugar feeder. I hear a lot of young kākā spend their time at these kinds of establishments, particularly in the summer when sugar water is at its most fermented.

In Wellington, the most popular sugar feeders are at Zealandia. But if you’re looking for a more relaxed vibe, try popping into a backyard feeder near you. If you can’t find a feeder, maybe you’ll meet the kākā of your dreams at a flowering rata.

You might also want to make sure you come across as being approachable. No one likes a quiet kākā – just ask the human residents of Wellington. Make sure you’re skraarking at the top of your lungs so the ladies know you’re available and ready to make a nest. Maybe all you need to do is relax a little and hang upside down off a vine!

If that doesn’t work, ask a friend to set you up. I know you say they’re all busy with their nests, which means the lads will be foraging for food to keep their ladies happy. But surely they can spare the time to help a lonely kākā.

Remember, you are a total catch, and totally deserving of a mate!

Want some advice from Aunt Dot? Send your question to [email protected].

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