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OPINION — Don’t get me wrong.  I love birds just as much as the next mammalian predator. They are an important part of our identity as New Zealanders, with their beautiful songs, their unique behaviours, and their delicious meat.

But is trapping predators really a good thing? Frankly, me and my mates rat, possum and cat, are sick of copping the blame for the deaths of 25 million birds every year. We worked hard to colonize New Zealand, and we deserve to be left to co-exist with native animals.

Many of my friends at the Stoatary Club agree with me on this. There is a lot about the push for Predator Free 2050 that we haven’t considered. For example, birds are bloody annoying. Sure — we stoats eat a bird or ten on occasion, but have you ever stopped to think that this is a good thing?

Birds are noisy and disruptive to society. Without us stoats, the bird song in this country would be cacophonous. You wouldn’t be able to hear anything over the dawn chorus. No more sleep ins! Everyone would be woken at 5am to a tūī or kākā kicking off outside their window.

Then there’s the poo! Just last week, my human friend Mike called me after a kererū dropped a fat turd on his $140k Alfa Romeo. He was so mad he crashed his car! As far as I am concerned, hard-working kiwi humans should be able to park on the street without a kererū opening its bowels onto their car.  

And what’s more, the poo contains plant seeds. So what, do we want native trees popping up all over the place, blocking out the sun in our million dollar bungalows up Ponsonby Road? I don’t think so!

That’s just the birds too, without predators to keep on top of the wildlife we would have skinks, geckos and giant wētā running around the place. That’s not the future I want for our New Zealand.

I think its time the government stood up for what taxpayers want by introducing Predator 2050 for a New Zealand with low numbers of wildlife.

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